Regrets: The kid I didn't check up on

Before we begin, I want to preface this by saying there is no moral lesson here. Nothing of substance really. Just me thinking and remembering.

The year is 2014. I have just finished 10th grade exams. Our school has a compulsory program called SUPW (Socially Useful Productive Work? I think) where after exams the new 11th graders are meant to spend 2 months teaching orphans from NGOs. Think the objective is to help us school kids understand our privilege, inspire us to do some good and not get lost in our own heads. Maybe help these poor kids too. Not sure about exact goals but this probably covers it. I've always thought this was a good program. Not sure if it is still run but I guess it is. I remember some teachers being very passionate about it from school and there's always some showmanship involved in NGO work too to get social credits so I would guess my school still runs it. Anyways, deviating a bit here.

So I am fresh out of 10th grade, not very enthusiastic about this program because 1. I am a dumb rebellious kid who wants to have fun and 2. I don't think I should be teaching anybody anything. It is mostly 1 though. Don't get me wrong, I have full sympathy for those kids and at some level want to do it and want the best for those kids, but at the same time I don't want to do the program. Weird contradiction. The rebel spirit of youth. Whatever. I guess I shared it with my batchmates who were even more unenthusiastic about this. Zero interest. Some didn't do it altogether. Atleast I showed up each day.

I am writing this because out of nowhere I remembered a sweet little boy who I met on day 1. He was a shy kid, I think he was 5 or 6. Could be some other age, never asked. Or don't remember. Tragically I do not even remember his name, nor I think I ever knew his name. Which is a shame because why I am I writing this about him 12 years later? I am pretty sure I knew his name but I didn't ask shame on me. This boy was shy, he was burying his notebook onto his lap rather than on the table. I clearly remember seeing him and then telling him to put the notebook on the table. Write properly. I think there was a connection between us. A brotherly connection. I would frequently try to help correct his posture repeatedly even though there were like 60 other kids. For some reason this kid was taking my attention. I was helping him with Math and English. These kids were 2nd or 3rd graders but I could tell they do not know even basics of kindergarten. They weren't taught well or made to study like us folks who are lucky to have families who made us study. The orphanage teachers could not have taught these kids so well since there were so many kids for so few teachers, and that's after assuming the teachers would be interested in teaching them. Which many weren't!

For 2 months I worked hard with this kid, there were others but this one was a standout and the only one I remember. These classes happened in evening in our school itself and the kids came in a bus to our school from another school nearby. That school is now gone and turned into a shopping complex. The NGO was called Wings but it surely didn't feel like any kid was getting Wings. These were good kids, but you need a village to raise a child, yada yada. Sorry for deviating - so me & this kid had a very good bond. His eyes used to lit up at the site of me and I liked him too. I think he felt safe with me. But I finished my 2 months. It was time to go. Last day I gave all kids chocolate. As a farewell. I felt bad. But I was too focused on the next thing - 12th grade exams and beyond.

Which brings me to a big regret of my life which happened this week - I remember the kid! I mean I've always remembered him, but now the memory came in strong. I do not know why. I am doing well in life, I guess there's guilt that I didn't check up on him. I should have gotten his details. I should have kept in touch. I could have helped him with something. Now that building where the kids stayed is gone. The NGO is gone, atleast I don't know where it is. The teachers knew me but again, 12 years gone. No clue where to begin. I do not even have a name to search for the kid. Seems futile, especially since I am doing life and still trying to make it big. I am doing well, but not THAT well. Still, the regret has been eating me. The kid was looking out at me for protection. Even if not, I think I should have done it. I remember his face. It must have changed completely now. He would be a man, hopefully doing well. Little chance though, people from those backgrounds can rarely make it. Hence I wallow in sadness. If ever the chance comes & I am back in the city with an opportunity, I may try to find him even though I know it is probably a futile attempt. Things change, no records kept, nor someone would just provide me. Who would that someone be anyway. So I made a mental note to try and lookout for opportunities to go find that kid if I get a chance. And more importantly, if I ever find a kid like that again, this time keep in touch. To try and do some good in anyway I can. In a sense I have been trying to do that since I started making money with a few donations here and there, but a proper effort to compensate. And do more. I may have failed that kid, but maybe I can not fail another.